Untitled

you don't realize it just yet
but you're pursuing Jesus.

and you're damaging me in the process.

Jesus Culture

I went to Cleveland for the weekend for a Jesus Culture conference. I had no idea why I was going, and I spent the first half fo the trip just asking God why I was there.  I'm still not sure that I know why.

It was a weird trip.  I'm not sure I would do it again if given the chance.  Maybe I learned a lot about my heart.  Maybe that scares me..  Maybe it shames me.  Maybe I'm still afraid of appearing weak.  Whatever it is, I'm glad I am home. I appreciate my family so much more.

I'm not sure what I learned outside of the conference times, but I can tell you that it was a lot.

I can, however, share a few things that I learned from the actual conference. God gave me a lot of insight into the musical abilities He is bringing me forth in. I went to a songwriting workshop led by Jake Hamilton, and God really spoke to me about the worship warfare He's going to cultivate in me. It stirred a flame inside of me.

God also redeemed my horrible past experiences with treasure hunting outreach by giving me an amazing time at a local university.  No signs or wonders occured, but I have memories and new experience that I will never forget. I have a new desire to pray for people and talk about Jesus everywhere I go - and I used to be terrified of that thought. God used another team to raise a baby from the dead, along with many other miracles and salvations. He is so good!

I went to a healing revival workshop with Scott Thompson of Jesus Culture, and I got an impartation of loving people, healing gifts, and prophetic vision. God used me to literally pull a girl's headache and neck pain off of her. MANY people received healings.. a girl's deaf ear even popped open :)

I feel like I got breakthrough in giving things over to God.  I also got to taste the supernatural for the first time. I've seen, heard, smelled, and touched, but I hadn't tasted until this weekend. I also got to hold an angel's sword and play around with it. God is so awesome.

That's the main stuff. I didn't really feel much breakthrough (but I'm having faith that a ton of stuff happened that I'm not aware of yet). I actually feel worse after coming home because I feel like so many heart issues have been brought up.. but I'm going to trust God.  Even if it hurts.

Masks

I'm done with the stupid mask.

It is putrid.
It is false.
I do not desire it.

I want so badly to strip it off.
I want to break it in half and crush it under my feet.

Chunks and pieces have been broken off, but the majority still suctions to my face, immovable.

I want to be genuine.
I don't want to be afraid.
I want to destroy this vile falacy.

But I don't know how.

I need You to help me.
I need You to gently lift the mask off and reveal the true beauty that is underneath.

I need You to teach me who I really am --
-- without the mask.
I need You to teach me how to walk in the identity which You have given me --
-- without the mask.

You are the only One able.
And I have faith in your mercy.

Matthew 9:22 Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly the woman was made well.

Barefoot

I'm just curious... who out there likes being barefoot and/or prefers it to wearing shoes?  (I already know that some of you do because of previous conversations.. which is really cool to me, as you're about to read.)

Here's the explanation: God is raising up a barefoot generation.

A week ago I took part in a prolife outreach in front of a planned parenthood.  One of my best friends turned to me as we were prayer walking and was basically like, "Caitlin, is it weird if I take off my shoes? I feel like I'm supposed to go barefoot."  When she said that, something clicked in my spirit, and I knew we were both supposed to take off our shoes and walk 7 laps.  As we walked, both of us could literally feel the power flowing out of the soles of our feet and into the property.  We could feel the authority we had in Christ, and I KNEW that we were taking back the land for the Lord.  Just then Joshua 1:3 was dropped into my spirit, followed by Exodus 3:5.

Jos 1:3 Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you, as I said to Moses.

Exd 3:5 Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground.

My friend turned to me and simply stated, "God is raising up a barefoot generation."  My spirit went crazy inside of me, bearing witness.  There have been many times in the past year when I have felt a huge urge to remove my shoes while worshipping.. to the point that if I ignore it, I am distracted and cannot worship until my shoes (and socks) are off.  I've always hated shoes.  Ever since I can remember, I've run around barefoot and only worn shoes when absolutely necessary.


To further prove my point, EVERY SINGLE ONE of my close friends here in Northwest Indiana who is radically following the Lord prefers to be barefoot.  No exaggeration.  What are the chances of that?  Coincidence?  I think not.  (I swear we're not just hicks. Excuse my terminology.)

I can't help but think of John the Baptist.  I know the Bible doesn't say that He was barefoot, but it DOES say that He wore camel hair and ate locust and wild honey.  I'm not sure why, but I personally feel a strong parallel between His odd clothing/food choices and our modern day odd lack-of-shoes preference.  I know it doesn't seem to make a logical obvious connection, but I strongly feel the parallel for some "random" reason.

Forerunners. The Barefoot Generation.  John the Baptist.  Yes?

Transparency

I reread my last post and realized it's somewhat misleading (totally unintentional).  The only reason I'm bothering to bring this up is because, as I previously mentioned, God is teaching me to be transparent.  I'm going start being open (or at least trying - with God's grace) about what's going on on the inside.

Pretty much, I'm doing okay.  Not fantastic, but not horrible.  God IS doing amazing things in my life, as I mentioned in my previous post, and I'm so thankful... but, as always, there are some hard things as well.

God is teaching me to walk out the healing I have received in the realm of family, and it's SUPER difficult.  Praise God for grace.

It's also really difficult to kill something when you know for sure from God Himself that it will be yours in the future.  I'm struggling with giving it over to God because I KNOW that it will be mine regardless.  I'm pretty sure it's only an issue right now because three of my closest friends are all receiving theirs.. so it's kind of constantly brought to mind.

But it's okay.  Jesus satisfies.

Update

warning: this post is long and not very organized.

I'm so sad that I've been neglecting this.  It's not that I've forgotten - I haven't at all! I've been dying to update but just haven't had the time.

God's been doing cool things in my life.  He's enlarging my heart with compassion like never before.  I've gotten bolder.. as in my friend Brittany and I have started witnessing basically everywhere we go.  There have been so many divine appointments.. I've had so much fun!  I look forward to witnessing now instead of being afraid of it.

I got a job yesterday, which is a huge relief because my church is 45 minutes away, and I drive out there 4 or more times a week, and gas prices keep increasing.  I also need to save money for all of the different retreats and conferences and trips I go on.

I've been growing in the prophetic and discernment and intercession.  God has used me a lot in the past few weeks to really shift some things in the heavens.  My National Day of Prayer was intensely awesome.  God downloaded His heart for different things into me multiple times.  I've never been so broken or felt so fired up for seeing reformation.

God has been bringing me forth in my musical gifts like CRAZY (He told me over spring break that I'm going to be a prophetic musician).  My church recorded its first live worship CD on Friday, and God revealed to me there that I will release my own worship on CDs in the future through my church.  My singing and harmonizing skills have improved dramatically in the past week.. I'm pretty much dumbfounded.  There is no doubt that it's God.  I've been spiritually attacked to the point that I can barely talk/breathe because satan is trying to ruin my voice, but whenever I press in and try to worship, God restores my voice.  Some friends and I had an impromptu worship session on Thursday, and it was AMAZING.  I can't even describe it.  Heaven definitely touched Earth.  We were literally singing songs from the throne room, and the weighty presence of God showed up so powerfully that my lungs felt like they had to really work in order to breathe.. but it didn't hurt or anything.  Last night we decided that we're going to have permanent worship nights weekly in which we go after it and also learn to play instruments better.  A youth pastor at a local church is sponsoring us and giving us keys to the church so that we can go in and practice whenever we want.  We'll be leading worship during that church's youth group this summer.. and if that's not cool enough, we're going to lead worship at the church soon :D  I honestly never thought these things would happen so soon.  God is cool.

I also feel like God is giving me insight into who I am going to marry.  He is also teaching me to be more transparent.  I feel like God is opening so many doors in my life right now.

The beginning of break was really hard because I felt like a bunch of wounds which were just starting to heal were being ripped open, but God gave me a huge impartation of grace to deal with it, and things have gotten drastically better.  I'm so thankful!

By the way.. if anyone has an acoustic guitar that they want to get rid of or knows someone who does, let me know!

That's enough for now.  So much has been happening that I can't possibly share it all.. but more to come!

Challenge

Today in church a story was shared about a boy who had received a bible for the first time.  (My church held a retreat for 9-13 year old boys this past weekend.)  The woman described the boy's reaction - how he jumped into the concordance and hungrily read verses on different topics, soaking it all up like a sponge.  He was SO EXCITED to have a bible and to read all that was in it.  He held this sense of wonder and amazement that a single book could hold advice over every life situation.

God spoke to me as I was listening to the woman share.  He challenged me.  He asked me what it would look like if every time I opened my bible, I read it as if I'd never seen a bible before.

This revelation floored me.  Honestly, we've all heard so much about the value of meditating on God's word, but I'm not going to lie - sometimes I feel so familiar with a verse or passage that I close myself off and prevent God from speaking to me because I feel like I've seen it a billion times.  It's not that I think I know the verse/passage inside out.. It's more like "I'm basically desensitized from this because I never meditate on it."  And that's when the bible starts to get dry.

I took God up on His challenge tonight.  I highly recommend you try it out if you don't already read like this (I know many people do.. props to you guys!).  I really slowed down and read every single word.. and looked up the definitions of each word (even when I was super familiar with the word).. and pieced it all together as a sentence.. and pondered about why the verses were ordered as they were (figured out the author's train of thought).. and actually looked at the chapter headings (which I have a bad habit of skipping over at times).. and I was amazed at how much more I got out of my reading.  I wish I would have started really digging into the word a lot sooner - like I've been told to over and over again - because I feel like an entire realm of understanding has been opened up to me.

A couple verses were dropped into my spirit as I wrote this.

Mark 10:15 Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.

Proverbs 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.

In other words, we need to approach the word with a child-like excitement and expectancy; and in our reading, we need to dig deeply to find the hidden treasure.